The Scary Truth About Italian Bureaucracy

A close-up look at 10 simple tasks, how long it takes to get them accomplished, and some insider tips on how to cut through red tape in Italy.

1. Mailing a letter abroad. Many would estimate about 7-10 days, whether arriving or originating in Italy. While that is a decent average, it ignores the very real possibility that it may never arrive at all. The Italian post is notorious for losing letters and packages. In 10 years of correspondence back and forth to the USA, about 10% of the items have arrived in 4-7 days, 70% of items between 7-10 days, and the remaining 20% of the items were sacrificed to the Italian mail gods (or nasty postal workers with an appetite for skippy peanut butter).

Short cut: Email! Or send your Rome sightseeing postcards once you return home to a country where things work as they should.

2. Paying a bill. Most Italian utility companies have now enabled the automatic payment of bills by credit card or debit to bank account. These will save you endless amounts of time, but one thing to be cautious of is that if they happen to send you a bill that is wrong (I speak from experience, I once got a 1,400 Euro internet bill), it’s a lot harder to fix it once you’ve already paid!

Shortcut: If you do prefer to approve your bills before paying them, then head to the tabacchaio. They can now accept payments for electric & gas utility bills, automobile tax, and more – saving you precious hours that would otherwise be spent at the detested ufficio postale.

3. Connecting a phone/internet line.  Most providers will promise you a working telephone line and internet service within 7 to 10 working days. Those of us who have been around a few years have undoubtedly heard firsthand accounts of it taking months, even years to get connected. When Telecom wants to make your life miserable, they will find a way. Your frustrated calls probably will not help.

Shortcut:  The affordable cost and increasing convenience of USB internet keys are starting to make it more attractive to use them lieu of a traditional home phone with internet. With the internet, one can subscribe to a VOIP phone service such as Skype, and never have to worry about lengthy and costly installments. What’s more, you can take them with you everywhere you go.

4. Getting a permit to stay. This, my friends, can take years. No one even promises that it will be quick or painless, because it won’t. The protocol to get a permit to live in Italy and the process you will be put through are demeaning and dehumanizing. As if that isn't frightening enough, there is also the very real possibility that by the time you do actually receive your permesso, it may have already expired.

Shortcut: none, aside from being an undocumented immigrant, or getting deported.

5. Having a meal at a restaurant.  Eating is an art form in Italy, and when possible Italians will spend upwards of two hours at the table. Restaurant owners fully accept this, and will very rarely try to speed people along. It is not uncommon for a restaurant to offer one seating only, since turnover is practically unheard of. It is also considered bad manners to drop a check at the table unless it has been specifically asked for.

Shortcut: In a rush? Grab a panino or a slice of pizza a taglio!

6. Getting a driver’s license. Assuming you have obtained your permit to stay, you have established residency in Italy, posess a “Carta D’Identita”, and can get by in Italian well enough to pass both the written and the driving test, obtaining a driver’s license in Italy will take about three to 6 months.

Shortcut: If you don’t plan to live in Italy for more than a year or two, you can get an international driver’s license by presenting your license and about 15 Euros to AAA or another automobile club.

7. Qualifying for a mortgage. Italian banks do not throw money at the first eager buyer who walks through the door. Nor do they easily approve credit card applications. One might argue that this is one of the reasons Italians do not find themselves in the credit crunch that many Americans are facing, although slowly but surely, they’ll most likely catch up! An Italian bank will research a foreigner buying property in Italy thoroughly, study his/her past earnings, spending, and carefully consider the stability of his/her employment situation before signing on the dotted line. The decision process can take from a few days to a few weeks.

Shortcut: Make friends with the bank director.

8. Getting police help. I honestly hope you won’t need it, because it may never arrive. My few calls to the police over the last ten years have resulted in a sheer waste of time. Luckily, I was not in grave danger (and consequently, nor were the gypsies who had just made off with my paycheck), just a bit of a Rome sightseeing disaster. Police and other “public servants” simply do not appreciate the fact that we as taxpayers pay their salaries. It’s a wonder there aren’t more vigilantes around taking the law into their own hands.

Shortcut: Now Hiring: fearless vigilantes?

9. Getting emergency help. Similar to the timeline required for police help. Maybe it will come, maybe not. Years ago I lived outside of Rome in a small town where an unforgivable tragedy occurred. A neighbor phoned 911 when they discovered to their horror that their 6 month old baby boy who had been left sleeping in their bed had gotten his head stuck between the mattress and headboard. He stopped breathing. A neighbor was able to perform CPR on the baby, but when the ambulance finally arrived, more than 30 minutes after the call, it was too late. That day I vowed never to move somewhere more than a few kilometers from a hospital.

Shortcut: Walk, or have someone drag you to a hospital.

10. Reclaiming Italian citizenship. If you are a second or third generation Italian by birth, you may be entitled to reclaim your Italian citizenship.  People who choose to begin this process while already in Italy have been known to wait a very long time. One acquaintance has been waiting over 5 years already, and still no indication of when she may finally join her tricolore-saluting ancestors.

Shortcut: This can usually be done much faster at the Italian Consulate in your home country.

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